Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Drake has all the answers
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
