The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
