I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
