I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
