you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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