i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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