I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
