it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
