Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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