I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
