i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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