And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
