You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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