dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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