She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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