he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
