he thought i was a dude.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
