I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
