dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
