so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
