There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
