At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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