I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i permit you to call me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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