Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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