oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
