He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
