Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
