the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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