apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
