I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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