I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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