i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
