i wish semen tasted like chocolate
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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