Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
