my text book just quoted the cookie monster
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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