she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
