Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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