So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
