there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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