They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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