i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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