my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
