I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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