Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
