You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
