I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
