Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
