He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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