Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
we're so committed to being not committed
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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