he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
